Adjusted
Posted on 07.17.10 to Clare, Parenting, Personal by JoanI took Clare to see a psychologist today. The adjustment issues she had, especially with regards to school, have not seemed to ease much and it got me worried. Although not constant, she has been telling me that she does not like school and doesn’t want to go to school. Sometimes she would cry and cling on to my legs for dear life, sometimes she kisses me and skips to class happily. I even checked with her teacher about whether she has been bullied or not.
Needless to say, given with what’s been going on at home, I worried whether it was having a delayed effect on her.
It was such a relief to have the psychologist say that there was nothing wrong with Clare and that she seemed to be a perfectly adjusted kid. (Save for the fact that she was watching an episode of ‘Family Guy’ on my iPad during the consultation.)
As earlier suspected, Clare gets extra clingy when she has to go back to the school routine, especially after having a break from school for a longer period of time. The psychologist said that it was all normal, especially with a working mum, because it just means she wants to spend more time with me. But she does not have separation anxiety, which is wonderful news. What was most important too, was to have further confirmation that I am not screwing up my child’s life by my own actions.
Clare and I left after the psychologist and I worked through ways of encouraging Clare to go to school without crying. This also made me realise the stress and guilt I was going through: while her dad and I have made peace with our decision to separate, it was hard to keep up a brave front when people (till this day) keep on questioning whether we are doing the right thing for Clare. I guess it slowly eats into you and further enhances your guilt. So every time Clare acts up, a large alarm bell in my head goes off as I silently blame myself for everything that could possibly lead her to behave this way.
I am blessed that despite all that, my child is actually adjusting well and is far from being screwed up. I love how she has a strong relationship with her parents, and that she knows that she is very loved. I’ve taught her to be expressive with her emotions and she often comes up to me, (quite out of the blue, too), to give me a kiss and a hug, and say ‘I love you’.
I felt a huge weight off my shoulders this afternoon, knowing that Clare is OK. At least I can now eradicate one source of guilt from the many others that haunt me every day.
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Comments ( 3 )
Heya hang in there.
You know, exactly the same thing happens with nate – crying and being clingy when he has to go to school WHEN i come back from a long trip or after a long holiday when school was closed.They just get clingy and they like spending time with us.
Just last monday, after i came back from Timor, nate started crying and acting up for the first two days.It gets even more exciting when they start to give you random excuses just as they get out of the car that their stomach hurts or how they feel sick all of a sudden because they don’t want to go to school.
hugs
maye-e added these pithy words on
Jul 17 10 at
8:57 AM
hey, not a mum, but just wanna say that the love and concern for your kid is absolutely admirable. reading this post really warmed my heart. i think claire’s gonna turn out just fine. :)
dawn added these pithy words on
Jul 17 10 at
1:46 PM
I guess sometimes we just don’t know why kids don’t want to go to school. I used to love school, but I bawled and cried and hid in the room for more than a month in kindergarten. Totally refused to go to school.
You are doing a great job so far. Don’t let others hit you.
Sarah added these pithy words on
Jul 18 10 at
12:14 PM
