Switching
Posted on 07.03.10 to Personal by JoanIt has been an intense 5 months of television producing for me. The first project, Game On, was probably only half as intense as the one after, with the past 2 months feeling very much like I was sucked into a black hole of work.
There were many moments in which I questioned myself over and over again why I was doing it. But there also have been many moments in which I’m thankful I am doing it. And now that it is all over, I’m grateful at having been given the opportunity to be part of it all.
At the end of it, my boss came up to me and said that I have no idea what I have achieved with this, and that while it will not hit me yet (because we were so caught up with doing the work), it will eventually hit me, the extent of what I accomplished.
It feels a little bizarre waking up and not feeling like I have a mountain-load of work to do. There is no stress of worrying about permits and paperwork. And the circuitry in my brain isn’t overloaded with information crossing all over the place.
The fatigue is finally setting in starting with me being almost completely passed out at my friend’s birthday party yesterday. Luckily, it was in her house. She took me around on the grand tour, I zoomed in on her bed and snuggled under the covers for the next few hours. I had another friend who popped in and kept on asking if I was ok but I was too passed out to answer or even attempt socialising. The only times I did wander out was to make a beeline for the table of food and scarfed down the roasted sweet potatoes which were ridiculously delicious at 2 in the morning. I basically spent the entire day today in my pyjamas, in my own bed.
I now have to switch out of producer mode and back to photographer mode. I can’t wait actually, although it feels kind of odd at the moment. It would be nice to gain some normalcy for a while, and also find some time to catch up with friends who have been patiently offering support while I desperately tried not to fall apart during the crazy moments of work and having my heart messed around.
This is now time for me. Time for me to rest, to heal, to grow and to be with Clare. It won’t be long before the madness starts again.
