Black Tuesday

Posted on 03.10.09 to Personal by Joan

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(Disclaimer: Please don’t read this if you’re prone to depression or get affected by death.)

I just got back from my friend’s younger brother’s wake earlier. The young chap passed away suddenly about a week ago. (For the record I don’t know how or why so please don’t ask me anything about it.)

The Straits Times ran an article about him on Sunday, which I felt was in terribly poor taste, with the headlines strongly suggesting that the chap turned violent because he played WoW. Somehow, just because two other boys who were gamers, who made headlines the past week for their misdeeds, someone suddenly decided that all three must be related.

The basis of that article is weak, lame and I really feel that for a national broadsheet they should be really ashamed of themselves for even publishing this sort of rubbish befitting of a tabloid. The author of this blog sums this up very well.

The person who thought of writing the original ST article and the sub-editor should be fired because this crosses the line between what should be reported for facts and what was written to sensationalise.

Earlier today, I photographed a dying premie baby. I am not going into details of the baby because of the family’s privacy, but this was an assignment for an organisation I volunteer with – Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS).

In October last year, I signed up with the organisation, after a friend passed me the link and realised that there was no representative in Singapore. I am really bad at charity work or even volunteer work and I felt that this was the perfect way for me to give back to society, especially in something that I am relatively good at. I never got round to spreading the word of the service back then because I was still busy with my full-time job and thought it would be unfair if I could not help much.

I spent last night reading through the manual, surfing the NILMDTS forums to prepare myself for the shoot — what to do, how to handle the grieving family, the protocols with the hospital — and thus was somewhat mentally desensitised today, which helped somewhat. But of course, nothing could prepare me for the actual situation and while I managed to maintain my calm and composure, and was respectful throughout, I was (and still am) incredibly sad. I wanted so much to hug the mum and kiss the tiny little baby.

It also did help that the hospital staff was less than friendly — which kept me distracted from feeling sad. OK, actually, just the head nurse. She was very condescending, and made me sign a form on their end. She had no idea what this was all about, wasn’t interested in listening to me explain, and told me that usually the hospital will take care of the photographs. I wanted to snap back a reply saying, Yeah, but are your photos going to be as nice? Will people look at them fondly in years to come or cringe at the pain? But I bit my lip, and smiled and gave her all the reading materials, to which she said, “I have no time to read this.”

I am a volunteer. I am not the enemy. I was approached by the family to photograph the moment for their personal keepsake. I am not going to profit from this and I’m certainly not such an insensitive twat that I’d be posting all the images to my whim and fancy. The organisation has very strict guidelines on protocols, in fact.

NILMDTS strikes a chord very close to my heart: I had a sister who passed on when she was a baby, a few days after she was born. She was born with a condition called disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIVC). I think I was seven then. But she doesn’t seem real to me because [a] she never came home; [b] we don’t have any pictures of her. I don’t have any memory of her, well, except of my mum being pregnant and me praying every night by the foot of the bed for a brother initially, then I changed my mind and just asked for a healthy sibling.

I want to help parents and families keep the memories of the child because no matter what, that was a child that came in this world, regardless how short a period of time. Of course, that is if the parents want help in the first place. In no way will any one of us volunteers force our way in this.

[Photographers who want to do some volunteer work, please sign up! It would be great if there are more of us available for this.]

I’m attending one more wake tonight. My grandmother’s elder brother passed away, after suffering from bad health for a while now. He had a fall recently and suddenly passed away after that. My grandmother never recovered from my grandfather’s passing a few years ago and I’m sure her brother’s passing is going to impact her condition further. On top of that, she fell at her brother’s place when she went over the night he passed on.

Needless to say, ’tis indeed a very black Tuesday. And a very sad one. I’m feeling so much of the mothers’ pain at losing their children, and quite frankly, I’m even more paranoid now over my own child, her safety and health. I just hope they feel better soon.

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