Closing Thoughts of 2007
Posted on 12.13.07 to Clare, Family, Friends, Personal, Relationships by Joan2007 was a major shake-up year for me. This has been the year of giant revelations, rediscovery and loads of growing up.
Over the past few years, life has been pretty much smooth sailing for me. Nothing majorly good or bad happened that left me feeling as overwhelmed as I am feeling right now, at the close of 2007.
First up, this is my first full year of being a mother. A MOTHER! I can’t believe that my kid is still alive and in one piece after having me as a mother. Clare turned one this year and the ten months leading to her first birthday was filled with a tremendous amount of emotions, joy and many life lessons. I never understood the magnitude of a parent’s love for her child. I thought I’ve loved all I could in my life, and was not prepared for what I feel for Clare and what I would do for her. She keeps me breathing each day, and I constantly try to be a better person, because of her. I slip up and fail sometimes, but because of her, I make a diligent effort to get out of the rut and move on. Everyday, I look into her eyes and realise how blessed I am to have her. Incredibly blessed.
Secondly, this was the year I actually questioned my marriage. They say that if you survive the first two years of marriage, you are set for life. In my case, surviving two years was easy. It was after that that got me wondering my purpose in this marriage. You see, we prepared to get married by going for Engaged Encounter and speaking to the priest, and we did loads of exercises on whether we were ready to get married. But what we forgot to remember, what is not as highlighted as it should be, is that a marriage really does require more work to maintain. Despite the fact that we hardly fight, we forgot to keep the romance alive. Life slipped to mundanity and we stopped noticing each other. During the down period, I’m glad I chose to open up and shared with a few close friends what I was going through, and that was when I realised that truly, a marriage takes effort to make it work. Not painful, torturous effort. But it really is the little things that keeps it going. I guess we just became to slack about it.
Needless to say, things are MUCH MUCH better between us and we’re moving along very well now. This is one big lesson that I learnt and while I’m not happy with how I got to learning it, I’m glad I did learn something from it. I wondered if I ought to share something so private, but I decided that I wanted to because I feel that this is an important lesson that anyone else can learn from. And hopefully without having to go through what I did.
Thirdly, I learnt the importance of friends. I’m so thankful that no matter what, I’ve a really good group of friends who love me, who are upfront and honest, who are supportive and who give great advice when the situation calls for it.
Fourthly, the never-ending battle between wanting to work and stay at home with Clare. I was feeling a bit down in the dumps about work. It is NOT because I hate my job, but I was feeling a little displaced. I really want to be with the kid (and now is really the best time to be with her before she starts school and grows up), but I also really want to work because it is my identity when I’m not a mother, wife and daughter. So I realised that this displacement is a result of needing a sense of ownership over something I’ve done. I considered leaving to pursue an online dream (it’s still being thought out). I still miss doing freelance photography, especially my time at the paper. But I realised, I have not pushed my full potential at work and so I’ve asked to expand my portfolio a little because I want to get into writing and directing. Pitching for a couple of things in the meantime and I hope something works out!
Lastly, I’m so thankful for the unending support I get from my family. The amount of love they’ve shown, especially towards Clare, is amazing. Clare is so blessed to have so many people dote on her. And she knows it because she gets up to all sorts of tricks with everyone!
I feel like I’m ending this year on a ‘zen’ note, now that the dust has settled and am feeling very much at peace with myself. It has been a constant stream of discovery and growth, and I’m in awe of the amount of life lessons I learnt this year. I’m slowly learning to let go (of things that do not matter). I’m learning to let things slide when it doesn’t affect me directly. I’m learning to open myself up more instead of letting things fester inside. I’m learning to let people in, because really, never underestimate the power of a good support network. I’m adjusting better into this added role of being a mother, along with the very many hats I wear already. I’m understanding the role of a wife.
And I’m discovering me. And just when you thought you already knew all you could about yourself.
I hope your 2007 was good. And here’s to an even better 2008.
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Comments ( 2 )
Thought provoking and beautifully expressed. Thanks for your openess…its enriching… :)
Esther added these pithy words on
Dec 14 07 at
12:52 PM
Dear Joan (Valska)! It may seem a little late on my post on this entry of yours but I would like you to know that I enjoyed ur sharing very much. So much so that I must leave a comment to let you know. :)
Not too sure if you recall who I am, but I’m Catherine from Anywool, back in the days where blog has just started to spring up in SG, along with people like Ling from Notquite.. and of cos you! I always remember you as one of the pioneers, where all the sg bloggers know one another. How life has moved on since then. I had exactly the same thoughts when I read that you got married and was expecting. Really happy for you, but I was too shy to leave a comment.
PS: Your daughter is so adorable – she has really lovely eyes. :D
C added these pithy words on
Jan 20 08 at
7:20 PM
