The Road Chosen

Posted on 01.19.06 to Personal by Joan

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When I landed my first full-time job years ago, I never ever thought I would leave the place. Then came the day I burnt out and wrote my first resignation letter. Since then, I never expected that I would write a second, or even a third. All the resignation letters, though, were written with the great need to leave the place asap, for reasons such as not feeling like I’m going anywhere with the job; or I’ve had enough with emotional superiors. Except this last one.

After the wedding and the lovely honeymoon, I landed my ultimate dream job – a photojournalist with a paper. However, with it being just a part-time arrangement, I took on freelance jobs with a tv production company, as an assistant producer and of course, on-set photographer. Both jobs I love, enjoy and have great fun with. The people I work with in both environments are just fantastic.

But, (and there is always a but), this arrangement could not hold on in the long term.

First, working part-time for both places is not fair to either party because I cannot give my full concentration. While I am working for the paper, they are calling me from the production company to confirm stuff. Or because I’ve been so busy with the production company, I mess up at the paper because I forget certain protocols. Worse, the scheduling between the two constantly made me feel guilty when I had to tell one that I couldn’t make it because of the other.

Second, not having a stable income was fine when I was living with my in-laws. Now that we’ve got our own place, the bills just keep on coming in. Monthly repayments, utilities, maintenence fees, household essential items over and above our existing bills (car, mobile phone, internet, insurance…) While we had parents who helped greatly with the renovation and furnishing costs, we still find it a bit of a struggle to get by based on one regular salary. Maybe we’re still just adjusting to a regular cycle, but we’ve cut back on certain frivolities, such as eating out (our biggest spender).

Thirdly, the sudden want to start a family has been hindered by the odd hours, the tiredness and the fear of being a one-day-in-the-weekend parent.

And so, I tended my resignation with the paper, and tomorrow’s my last day (Friday, 20th Jan). And unlike all the other times when I resigned, I am actually sad and quite reluctant to go. I have been thinking of this for months now, and initially, I thought my probabtion period was just three months, then it became four and now six. It was too long a wait and I had to make a decision soon.

As I told my supervisor, I LOVE working at the paper. Everyone’s been great. They taught me so much. The reporters are a great bunch to be with as everyone’s so nice and warm. The administrators within the department are on the ball and ever so helpful. Everyone in this team just made the office a really nice place to be in. But I had to make a choice and this was a path I chose to take after much rationalisation.

This is not to say, though, that I don’t like working for the production company. I love it there too (which is why it was extra hard to make a decision to choose between the two). I, too, learnt so much with the production company and have many avenues to be creative in. Not just photography, but through writing, designing and conceptualisation. Which is great for someone with a short attention span like me. Of course, it is also always nice to see a project come into fruition and I get a great sense of satisfaction when I finally see the finished product aired on television. (Of course, with the paper, the best part of the job is going home not thinking about work because our work’s done in a day – shoot, download, edit, upload.)

On one hand, I am looking forward to a new chapter, starting work proper and having the ability to save and plan for a much needed holiday. On the other hand, it’s actually quite hard to say goodbye to the paper that has given me many wonderful opportunities and has instilled the much needed confidence in me, especially when I kept on questioning whether I could make it as a photographer or not. What’s nice though, is that my supervisor said that if I ever want to come back, I am more than welcomed to.

Oh gawd. I better stop now before I start bawling.

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